Hate is an under-rated emotion. I think most of the things that I actually like in life are a direct reaction against the stuff enjoyed by the idiots that surround me every day of my waking life. First it was pop. All the kids at school were into pop, so I listened to old punk records. Then it was dance music. All the kids with about the same number of brain cells as the Bush inner circle were listening to inane trance music (we’re talking about 1997 here), so I got into Hip Hop. You can probably plot the development of my musical tastes by basically looking at what all the thick people in the world were listening to at the time, and choosing exactly the opposite kind of music. Hating things in general is hugely under-rated, and hating certain kinds of music in particular is one of the true joys in life.

People complain about the youth of today. They claim that they’re growing up too fast, growing up in a loveless world. The real problem is the opposite: they don’t hate enough. Look at any under 18 year old’s iPod (or walkman, if they’re not nouveaux-riche enough to own an iPod) and you’ll see that kids nowadays listen to everything. Hip Hop? They’ve got all the seminal albums. Techno? Yup, all the important bits. Rock? They’ve got the classics. Today it’s all about eclecticism, liking a bit of everything, and making sure that when you’re caught in a conversation, you’re never in the embarrassing position of saying “Who? Who are they?”

This is all, sadly, particularly misguided. We’re teaching our kids the wrong things. We’re teaching them to listen to the Beatles and the Stones, to Prog-Rock and Punk. They’re learning to be indiscriminate consumers of what other people tell them are classics. Fuck the classics: the kids of today need to learn how to hate.

Allow me to make an unnecessarily bold and sweeping generalization: music has only ever progressed through hating. People used to start whole musical movements based on abject, irrational, all-consuming hatred of another kind of music. The Punk movement only actually happened at the end of the 70s because people hated the old Hippies so much, with their 45-minute songs and 8-disc concept Rock-operas based upon alternative endings to Lord of the Rings (Note to self: must write a Rock-opera based on alternative endings to Lord of the Rings). The Mod scene only ever happened because smart young men were tired of having to dress up like greasy rockers and wanted to wear something that made them look vaguely presentable and sophisticated. And the Grunge scene in the states only ever happened because people hated the overblown, pompous kind of stadium rock that dominated the scene at the start of the nineties.

Yup, when it comes to music, hatred rules. In interviews, people always ask you what music you admire, which music has inspired you, which records had a formative impact upon you as a musician. What rubbish: what we really should ask people is what music they hate. Try it next time you’re having a conversation. Ask someone about the kinds of music they hate. It’s far more interesting than the usual vacuous responses that people trot out about the music they love.

I hate a great many things in the world of music. At the top of my own hate list this month isn’t Coldplay, or the fact that Bono deserves to be shot (actually shot: I don’t mean this as an artistic exaggeration. I’d actually pull the trigger) but the fact that one of the most exciting bands at the moment has gone and pun paie in cap. In fact, they’ve not merely pun paie in cap, its more like they’ve stuck their heads in a haystack and set fire to whole thing. LCD Soundsystem are undoubtedly one of the most exciting and influential acts right now. They sound all of the great Punk-Funk acts of the late 70s – Liquid Liquid, ESG, Konk – messing around with a huge pile of vintage synthesizers. And they’ve gone and done the unthinkable for an act with supposed ‘alternative’ credentials: they’ve made a record for Nike.

Not just any record: this is a 45 minute “workout mix”. That’s right: its music for you to do your ‘workout’ routine too. It’s actually excellent. But that’s not the point. The point is that everybody with any sense at least pretends they hate Nike. Of course, nobody really hates Nike, unless you happen live in a tree and have dreadlocks and ask people to call you “Rainbow”. But we do hate the fact that they pay 6 month old babies in Bangladesh about three dollars a year to make their shoes. We have no choice in the matter: we have to buy their trainers to boost our flailing sense of self esteem and to make other people think we’re cool – it’s not as though we have a choice. LCD Soundsystem, however, do. They could have done exactly what many, many groups did when approached by Nike to use their music, and symbolically told them to fuck off. But they didn’t. They sold out.

Number two in my hate list – in fact, numbers two to five – are the CDs that I’ve been sent this month to review. I’ll treat you to a quick rundown:

Seal: Unless you’ve been recently lobotomized, don’t think of buying Seal’s latest CD. Not even lush the Vox Artis Philharmonic Orchestra can save this live LP from being truly, truly terrible.

Fergie: Zero-charisma Fergie brings out her zero-charisma debut LP. She also makes the criminal mistake of singing a song about London Bridge “going up and down”, when in fact London Bridge doesn’t move at all. She means Tower Bridge. Americans know nothing about London. Fact.

Tatu: Tatu were funny for about thirty seconds, and mildly arousing for about half that time. They’re “Greatest Hits” compilation is a joke, unredeemed even by the fact that they cover one of the greatest songs in the history of music, “How Soon Is Now”, by The Smiths. Sorry.

Voltage: This month’s single Romanian CD, the album Revelator, is a national embarrassment. I suggest that they put quotation on all further records that they choose to release onto the undeserving public as a kind of health warning. Preferably in big letters. In capitals: NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.

James Morrison: If you like James Blunt then you’ll love James Morrison, the latest rival to the throne of truly execrable music designed to be played in supermarkets.

Praise the Lord, then for the Scissor Sisters. Unless Elton John, Freddie Mercury and Jimmy Summerville are planning on forming a super-group, the Scissor Sisters can safely be said to be the gayest band in show-business. Half of their second proper album, entitled Ta-Dah, is just a little bit too silly and over the top, but they more than make up for it with the other half of the LP, which is basically all potential singles material. The only gem in this month’s musical dung-heap.